Best-selling Author, more than 30 books, his latest The Way of The Shepherd (written with William Pentak)
Has appeared on The View, Today, Oprah, Live with Regis, etc.
Founder/President Couples
of Promise, an organization designed to help couples stay married. Married with five children (youngest 15).
interview
At Home with the Lovable Lemans
CBN.com
– They say they’re just like any other family, but there’s something special about Kevin and Sande Leman. This award-winning psychologist is known for his humor as much as his practical advice.
Scott Ross: All right, Dr. Kevin, I’ve followed your career for years; some of the books - Birth Order, Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours. You’ve written books on sex - may I say it - and the classic title, Sex Begins in the Kitchen.
Kevin Leman: Thirty-two languages, in Espanol – El Amor Comienze en la Cocina. (Scott laughs)
Scott: Now you’ve gone into the agricultural realm - The Way of the Shepherd. What happened here?
Kevin: It’s a book on leadership, Scott. We did some interesting research on shepherding before we tackled this project, The Way of the Shepherd.
Scott: You mean real shepherds? Sheep and shepherds? I’m from Scotland, you know.
Kevin: Oh yeah, it’s big over there, I hear. It’s interesting that the shepherd has a call. But here’s the kicker: the sheep will only follow the shepherd. There’s a tremendous difference between a replica and the real deal.
Scott: Well, in Biblical terms, “sheep know My voice.”
Kevin: One of the main points in The Way of the Shepherd is – you’d better know your flock. You have to back your people. The people in the congregation, the sheep so to speak, have to know that you would go that extra mile; they have to feel like you care about them, and that’s missing today. I think one of the best things you do, Scott, is just tell somebody, “Hey, that was a good job; that was a good job.”
Scott: What about discipline? Is that an important part of leadership?
Kevin: A lot of leaders are perfectionists and they confuse boundaries with bridles. See, I think you need boundaries in any organization, but it’s not a bridle situation like you’re putting a horse - where you’re micromanaging.
People familiar with Dr. Leman have heard his stories about his wife and kids for years. We were given a rare interview this day with Sande Leman.
Scott: Sande, we have cut off Kevin’s mic.
Sande Leman: Good.
Scott: Yes, a number of people have said that. You’ve been in the background, at least as far as the public’s concerned all these years, but he’s talked about you a lot in public. Some books, perhaps, may have your influence in them - First-time Mom? Sex Begins in the Kitchen?
Sande: That’s not me. No, I’m sure that wasn’t written with me in mind, no.
Scott: Women Who try too Hard, Making Sense of the Man in your Life
Sande: Good luck with that one. We’re all still trying to do that.
Scott: This guy has really given away family secrets all over the world. You’ve been married how long?
Sande: We’ve been married 41 years this August.
Scott: How have you done it?
Sande: All in a row. (all laugh) How have I done it? You know what? I think we’ve really had fun together. I think there are a few elements of marriage that hold you together, and I think that, number one is, trusting each other, which is so important. And we just have agreat sense of humor. And he’s the baby, he’s the light one; I’m the first-born, that, keeps him pretty … I did not pick out his outfit today, as you might guess, but (all laugh)
Scott: I heard a story.
Sande: Oh, I bet it wasn’t true. Or maybe it was.
Scott: Where did you two meet?
Sande: We met in the men’s room at a hospital.
Scott: May I ask?
Sande: I was a nurse’s aide; he was a janitor.
Scott: You have how many children?
Sande: We have five great kids.
Kevin: We have that many?
Sande: Five great kids, yeah.
Scott: What is the glue that’s held you together?
Sande: I think we truly care for each other. We truly love each other. I think being a Christian family, having God at the center. Every couple has their own way of working out issues - but no - so I’ve gone to bed so many times mad (Kevin makes face), but anyway.
Kevin: When do I get to talk again?
Scott: You don’t. It’s not your interview. Are you surprised by his success?
Sande: No, he works very hard at what he does. And he just has, what you see, he’s just genuine. I think people really like that. There are no falsehoods. No, he’s not a parent and a husband here and then somebody else here at home. So I think people relate to that. He’s very cushy and fun to talk to and just – he’s just who he is.
Scott: How do you plan on spending your latter years?
Sande: Yeah, we’ll still have a daughter in her 20s when we’re in our 80s – that’s going to be really fun. So, we’re never really going to have a chance to sit on our rocking chairs, which I think is great.
Kevin: But I do want to say this – can I say this?
Sande: No.
Kevin: Well, it’s about our sex life.
Sande: Oh no, then you can’t.
Kevin: I’m just here to tell you, well, you do slow down. We’ve slowed down to about oh, four times a week now and it just takes its toll.
Scott: I can see it has on you, Kevin. (Sande hits him with a pillow.)
Kevin: Yeah, so we’re just a couple of old people who, some day are probably going to be caught trying to have sex in our walkers. That would be my dream.
Sande: Well, he might be trying to be caught, not me! (all laugh)
Scott: Thank you for allowing us to live with the Lemans for just a short time. Thanks.
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