Don't Sit by the Phone: Get a Life!

By Laura J. Bagby
CBN.com Producer

CBN.com - It's Friday night…

You race home after a full day of work to check who called. Maybe it's that godly (and gorgeous) guy you met at Bible study. Maybe your boyfriend who dumped you finally realized the error of his ways and wants to get back together with you. Your mind is a whirl of activity. Unfortunately, reality hits. Not one heart-pounding phone call. The same goes for the mail: just bills. When is Prince Charming ever going to show up? you wonder.

If this is you, I know where you are coming from. Been there. Done that. I have spent years waiting by the phone, obsessing about my nonexistent love life. Looking back, I realize that if Prince Charming had shown up in the midst of my desperate cries of self-pity, he wouldn't have been impressed. He probably would have run the other way. And he would have been right to scream, "Get a life, lady!"

Maybe you can relate. Tell me, honestly, do you believe your life begins only after you get married? The answer, of course, is no, yet we act like it is true when the only goals we have are to find a man, to keep a man, and to marry a man. And in the meantime, we have put the rest of our lives and our current happiness on hold. Now that's pathetic!

Don't put off doing things and being the person God created you to be just because you are still single. When are you going to start that book project? Go back to school? Get in shape? Start a home Bible study? Venture out into uncharted territories for the Lord? Why not now?! Why not as a single?!

There is no better time than the present to discover your talents, enjoy new hobbies, and excel in your spiritual gifts. And when we get involved in doing activities that we enjoy, guess what? We might discover a second career. We might start a ministry. We might unearth a talent we never knew existed.

The point is we are not stagnating. We are growing, being challenged, and learning to enjoy life, which, by the way, is what I believe all women should be doing regardless of marital status. When we are actively involved in life, under the direction of God, we are more confident, more at peace, and less likely to worry and panic about our single status. We can even glorify our Lord as we go about our activities in thankfulness and renewed purpose.

This is not to say that there won't be times when we have pangs of loneliness. They will come. But God will show us where He fits into those times of heartache.

Several years ago when I was desperately seeking the Lord's will for my life, God directed me to Isaiah 43. I felt so spiritual as I thumbed through my Bible to read the amazing word God was about to speak to me. And then verse 18 and 19 jumped out at me:

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

Bam! I felt like I had been hit by a two-by-four. I reread that first line, "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past," and it dawned on me that I was holding on to former things, most particularly my last dating relationship. Although I thought I had moved on, I knew in my heart that I was dwelling on the void I was feeling. For me, my dating relationship had represented a promise of a future marriage and the security that went along with that. It had represented being completely loved and cherished.

But I am already completely loved and cherished, and my future is secure -- I have the Lord. I have the promise of a rich and eternal inheritance that doesn't depend on a future marriage.

Now please understand me here: I am not saying that I think marriage is wrong or less holy or even that I don't want it for my own life. I am not one to believe that if you are single and over 30 you are in line for sainthood, anymore than I am one to believe that only married women are worthy in God's sight. Singleness and marriage are both valid and valuable states of life for us and can be pleasing to the Lord when we let Him lead us and when we choose not to complain about our current status.

What I am saying is that I don't want to waste any more time running after relationships that are not of the Lord. Pursuing relationships that God has not ordained will ultimately distract us away from God and what He wants to do in our lives -- yes, as single women.

Did you know that you are valuable to God just as you are, whether you have someone or not? Well, you are. He calls you and me His "workmanship." We are literally handcrafted by God. And He has good works for you, which He prepared in advanced for you to do.

Yes, God wants to do a new thing for you. Are you willing to let go of your own preconceived notions? Are you ready to find out what new things God is trying to do in your life? All you have to do is ask Him. Seek Him. He will show you. And then He will give you the grace and wisdom to walk in it.

Comments? E-mail me.