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CBN.com – “My father was very abusive, alcoholic, and he became very violent when he drank and as a result of his drinking, I was sexually abused and I was physically abused by him.”
The abuse started when Robin was just 12 years old.
“It created a lot of fear in my life; it created a lot of despair. It got to the point where I didn’t want to live. I had no hope,” says Deane. “I had nowhere to run. I knew there was a God because I could feel Him, but nothing was happening in my life. I was just very unhappy.”
Robin grew up attending Catholic School but never learned to involve God in her personal struggles.
“I coped with it through being suicidal, being angry,” she says. “I just remember a lot of hurt, being very fearful.”
She also coped by keeping silent. For years, no one knew of the pain Robin held inside. Although she never followed through on suicide, she still wanted to escape. So Robin bought a one-way ticket from Atlanta to LA.
“It wasn’t like I was choosing a particular city. I just wanted to get away from the memories. I felt like if I moved from the source of the city where it happened, then my life would be changed.”
However, nothing changed for Robin.
“I only brought my problems with me,” she says. “I was still me, and the memories came as well.”
Robin managed to find odd jobs to pay the bills and started to meet new people. But memories of her abusive father never seemed to go away…
Her troubled relationship with her earthly father shaped her perception of Who God was.
“During prayer, I never wanted to say father. I would say Jesus or anything to avoid the word father because the word father was very, very painful to say, especially as an adult because that’s when all the anger really started building up—as the adult,” she says. “As a child, you’re still trusting because he’s still your father and I had this hope that everything is going to be okay. As an adult, when reality hit, that’s when the anger really built up.”
It was then that she realized she was on a quest.
“I was searching for love. Everybody needs the love that comes from a dad, and I was searching for love.”
Robin’s search eventually led her here to the West Angeles Church of God in Christ. She took a seat one Sunday and heard a message that she’d never heard before -- one that was powerful enough to undo years of hurt and fear.
Robin found what she had been looking for… she dedicated her life to Jesus Christ.
“I’ve learned to have a relationship with Jesus -- not just know Him, but have a relationship with the Lord.”
Robin received extensive counseling from leaders at her church and was able to forgive her father.
“I decided in my life, it’s time to live,” she says. “It’s time to give it up. I’m wasting time being sad. I’m wasting time living in despair when I could be out enjoying life or helping someone or making a difference. So it’s just a hurdle you have to make up in your mind. You have to have the strength to get over it, and we have to remember our strength is in the Lord.”
Today Robin expresses her joy and worship through dance.
“When I’m dancing, it’s my way of communicating with God, the things that I’m dealing with. It’s my way of expressing myself in a positive way. It depends what I’m going through. Sometimes I do dances of celebration, dances of healing, dances of warfare.”
Robin leads her church’s praise dance ministry. Her life really blossomed when she adopted Keyana from the foster care system in 2001
“For me, it was a process. But I thank God for the process,” Deane says. “I thank God for every trial and tribulation I had to deal with because it drew me closer to God. I know Him in a way I wouldn’t have known Him if I did not experience what I experienced. Everything that I experienced had purpose.”
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